Perhaps the lovebirds were trying out several positions in an exposed field while children played football nearby. Perhaps they had chosen a dark corner of a techno club to release their lust. When Alexa mall was first unveiled ten years ago you were too aghast at the audacity of erecting a windowless maroon bunker in the centre of the city.
But after hearing years of criticism of the charmless bulk you've developed a strange feeling of protectiveness akin to that of a mother for the awkward kid at school. You've still never actually been inside though. Photo: DPA. Your first apartment was just a three-week stopgap in Wedding, but you knew you wanted to be where the action was.
So you were delighted when you convinced a trendy WG in Friedrichshain to give you their spare room. On your first weekend you all went to Berghain no worries - your new flatmate knew one of the bouncers okay, he knew someone who knew one of the bouncers That was several years ago, though.
In your first year in Berlin you pretended that you had never been interested in football. About two years ago you went to your first Hertha game and noticed that they do actually have fans somewhere in the city. You have become so accustomed to unfriendly service that you you have forgotten what small talk is. On the rare occasions when you make it out of Berlin to another city you start breaking out in sweats when a waiter strikes up conversation with you.
Is this some cunning trick to cheat you out of money? You put your apartment on AirBnB for two days on either side of the May festivities as soon as in January. A friend of yours has offered you a house with no electricity in a forest deep inside the Czech Republic. If for whatever reason you do end up in Berlin on May 1st, you believe it to be sound advice to lock yourself inside your apartment. Naturally you avoid anywhere in the city where you are likely to be confronted by a gaggle of fresh-off-the boat Americans breezily ordering their meals in English.
